The one with the sty

Deer hunting is half way over. Gabriel and his brother got 5 opening weekend and none since. :P Since we have an abundance of venison this year, I have been toying with making jerky. It is really easy. Slice it. Soak it in some marinade. Go to bed. Arrange it on the dehydrator. Forget about it all day. Take it off before you go to bed. Slice and soak some more meat for tomorrow.

I have been having a sore eyelid since Wednesday evening (merely because the next day would be a holiday and every clinic would be closed). Yesterday I did some research on-line and figured out it was a sty. Lovely, huh? Luckily I had a small one. It is almost gone today and didn't have all the lovely side effects most sty's do.

But now I have to throw out all my eye make up, eye make up remover, contact lenses, contact cases, ect. because I have no idea what, if anything, I cross infected. I am bummed out. It is like me telling you to throw out your favorite pair of jeans because they have dust mites, but it is ok because you can just go out and buy another. Some of those eye liners I have had forever and I am sure they don't make the same shades. I am sure you know, make up (even Cover girl, ect) is expensive. Especially when you need to buy and experiment to find the right shades. Like I said I am bummed out...

Also the contacts that I have to toss are only one day old.

I am thankful that I can still wear contacts ans make up.

Sorry that this blog has been kind of stale recently. Way to much to do. The kids have been keeping me on my toes lately. It seems like each day is shorter than the last. I haven't even found the time to check my e-mail some days. I keep saying that things will slow down one of these days. Please be patient. It has to slow down...

We are talking about moving by next summer. Gabriel's office is 96 miles away. One way. That means that he gets home late and sometimes doesn't see the kids before they go to bed. We knew we would move eventually, but it is looking like more of a necessity. Hi job is temporary through the end of the year, but it is almost certain to become permanent. We are just waiting for the word and salary proposal. The thought of backing up and moving excites me and terrifies me all at the same time...

So what did you buy on Black Friday??? Any good deals???

The one with guilt

I felt so very, very guilty today. I called the neighbor over to baby sit while I ran to the mall. It was no big deal. She was happy to do it. I was so terribly afraid that if I took Mark he would wonder off. He is getting into his terrible twos, and is always testing me.

It felt like the first time I left Mark with a babysitter. He was 4 months. It was only Grandma. I had a dental appointment for crying out loud.

Why can't I just let it go? Why do I always feel like I have put other people out when I ask them to watch my kids? Why does it make me feel like I am not good enough as a mommy just because I needed to ask for help with something so small?

Do you ever feel that way?

The one with dead deer

So Thanksgiving (observed) went really well. The food was all great. There was no momentous family drama. Eat, drink, be merry, fall asleep on couch by 6 pm.

On the other hand my belly bulge is not thanking me.

Saturday began the hell known as hunting season. Amongst Gabriel, his brother and his Gramps, four deer were bagged opening weekend. This is astounding since they are used to hunting for the 2 weeks and getting 1 or 2 tiny deer on closing day.

Gabriel really enjoys hunting, and I am glad for him. Hunting with his Gramps has been something he has done since he was big enough to walk throw the brush on drives. And since Gramps has congestive heart failure, it is good time for them to spend together.

But holy hell, hunting season sucks. It means that Gabriel is gone for work hours and all extra daylight hours including weekends. It means that there is meat that needs to be butchered and frozen. There are a lot of gross things I do, but deer butchering has got to be the worst. I got out of it last year because I was pregnant and so stinkin nauseous anyway.

Plus, I really don't like venison that much. I would die for real beef. I admit venison is very, very lean meat. And the chance of eating a diseased animal is far less than even a cow. And when you use venison hamburger in any casserole or hamburger helper, you can't taste the difference. But steaks and roasts always have that gamy taste. And I am always reminded that we shouldn't buy meat when we already a freezer full. Ugh. I think it is a I-am-man-I-drag-home-dead-animal-to-provide-for-my-family thing.

That is about all. We are just trying to recover from the over tiredness of the holidays. Everyone needs naps here. Everyone....

Ok, I totally lied earlier today.

After some research into my new blog at Wordpress.com, I decided that headache of learning a new system is not worth transferring my blog there. Instead I am going to fallow through (eventually) with a domain and Wordpress.org. I want the freedom to design with out having to pay just to change my CSS! Blah! If I am going to pay for anything I had better get a domain in the deal. LOL.

So in conclusion, I will be staying at this nice enough blog where I sometimes feel like throwing my computer out the window. At least until I can get some money together. My plan? Win some from my radio station....

Stop laughing. WIFC plays keyword that are worth points on their website. Collect points and use them towards auctions for cool stuff like $100 bills. And since I am trying to listen to the radio instead of watching TV, I get alot of keywords. Basically I could get payed to listen to the radio. Either that or be caller #9....

Thanksgiving is coming

Thanks everyone. I really do feel better today. Gabriel is getting over it too. It was just the first time in our 3 year marriage that either of us had even talked about the thought of a possibility of cheating.

Last night Gabriel was going to be home late anyway. So I put the kids to bed early, made a really nice dinner, lit a million candles, turned off the lights, and put on a sexy top. I have never done anything like that before and it was really nice.

I think you all are right. My libido may be returning. One can only hope, right...

-----oOo-----

Thanksgiving is coming right along. Planning big meals and get-togethers, and trying new recipes and flavors in food gives me a high. I know, I'm weird. I started a blog just for food and recipes, so this one won't get all filled up. Especially for those who hate it when people share recipes. C'mon I know there is at least one of you out there...

Note: I was going to link my recipes below with my new blog, but Blogger is #%@&ing with me. I only got one linked. Blah.

I did my shopping today. After I get off the internet, I must start my cleaning which will continue tomorrow. Saturday I will cook and peel and chop and prep and wash in hopes that I won't have THAT much to do on Sunday. It is really screwing with my mind to have Thanksgiving on a Sunday. I will be messed up for months.

Here is my menu.

Appetizers (served noonish):
Sausage Stuffed Mushrooms
Chex Mix
Chex Muddie Buddies
Chicken Cheese Spread with crackers (MIL bringing)

Main Meal (served 2-3 pm):
Roast Turkey
Gravy
Mashed Potatoes
Sausage Stuffing
Green Beans Almondine
Cranberry sauce (homemade, of course)
Orange Fluff
Oven Rolls
Olive tray (my mom will bring)

Dessert:
Brandy Pecan Pie
Classic Pumpkin Pie
Homemade Whipped Cream

Drinks:
Rhubarb Punch (homemade from my garden this summer, canned in my basement)
Mogan David, Blackberry and Concord
Coffee

Oooo, I am so excited. The main meal is classic of my late Grandma, who I adored and who I got my infectious love of cooking from.

-----oOo-----

On a side note, Blogger is completely f#$@ing with me again today. Enough that I am so PO'd I am just moving to Wordpress.com. I have had enough, people. If I had time, I would do it this afternoon. Expect to update your blogrolls within the nest week or 2. Urghhhhhh.

Also wordpress.com will only be temporary until I can get some seed money to buy a domain name and use wordpress.org. Chelle, together you and I will rule the world. Ahhahahahahahahaha!! *evil genius laugh*

On that scary note, TTFN.

The one with the sex dream

Have you ever had a dream that you were having sex with someone other than your husband?
How about a dream that you were committing willful adultery?

I did, and it is driving me nuts. I dreamed that I slept with Gabriel's good friend (who will be called Mr. X). This is the best that I can describe it.

I was at Mr. X's house. Gabriel knew I was there. I was there for a valid reason. I think he was supposed to be helping me with a legal issue. I kept feeling strongly sexually attracted to Mr. X, but stifled the feelings because I am married and don't want to cheat on Gabriel. After we solved whatever problem I was there to solve, Mr. X moves in really close to me and tells me how strongly he is attracted to me. At first I still avoid eye contact, trying to deny how I felt. Then Mr. X tells me how he can't hold back anymore and that he wants me. After hearing that I give in. I want what I want. With very little resistance. And that is pretty much all I remember.

I committed very willful, very consensual adultery. I feel so ashamed. So embarrassed. You have no idea how painful it is just to write this.

What makes this even worse is that I have been attracted to Mr. X in real life. Not that I day dream about having sex with him. But in the sense that if I was single I would have dated him.

Gabriel and I had a talk about it last night. I had to tell him. Even if it was a dream I feel so guilty. Everything feels so serious and sullen now.

So now what? Do I try to just shrug it off because it was just a dream? Just be aware of myself around Mr. X? Or do I just avoid Mr. X all together?

Telling Gabriel was the right thing to do because we want a married based on honesty. But now I feel like things will always be different. Like my husband will be wondering what I am thinking, if we have Mr. X over for a party. Or we go over to Mr. X's house. We only see Mr. X once or twice a year anyway.

In addition to all that, Gabriel felt a little hurt that I was dreaming of another man when my real life libido has not returned since having Abby.

I don't think I could EVER do that to Gabriel in real life. I could never hurt him. But I honesty can't say that I will never be attracted to other men. And I told him that. Is that wrong? Is that healthy for a marriage? Is that strong enough of an answer?

Yes, it was just a dream.
But I feel dirty.
I feel ashamed.
I feel embarrassed.
I don't feel safe with my own thoughts.
I keep bouncing back and forth between almost crying and feeling silly for making so much out of this.

Please, tell me I am not the only one to have a dream like this....

The one with stress

Too much crap to do.

Not enough time.

Would have enough time if infant would stop screaming her head at a deafening volume just to her herself.

Or if toddler would stop trying to get into everything.

Was there a weekend?

I think I am having a stress break down this morning.

I am having 16 people over for Thanksgiving on Sunday. (yeah, I know. Not Thanksgiving. But we have deer hunters here. Thanksgiving is just a day they get off of work for hunting.)

That is actually NOT a cause of stress for me.

Nor is the cleaning of the house.

Or cooking.

Or menu planning or grocery shopping.

It is the kiddies that live with me who aren't allowing me to do ANY of it.

I would love just one hour for me. Just one hour.

It is 3 pm and I just realized all I had for breakfast or lunch was 2 cups of coffee.

Boiling pasta roni now.

Why doesn't life take time outs?? Wouldn't that be handy??????????????

As a side note...
My brother is now back in the state and having his charge hearing this afternoon. My mom wants me to try to find out on-line where his car is because 1) he won't talk to her, and 2) she is the co-signer on his loan. Lovely.

Everyone else did this

Should I be scared that Tobey Maguire and James Spader are in the top 4????

Food for thought Friday #3

I didn't get to this last week, and I missed it.

This week's recipe is again, my own concoction. I made it for breakfast on Sunday and it was wooooooonderfullllllllllll.

I call it Breakfast Squares.

1 package breakfast sausages, uncooked and sliced into coins (this is easier to do if they are still frozen)
1 onion, chopped
1 8oz package of shredded cheddar cheese
6 eggs
1 1/2 cups of complete pancake mix (it HAS to be the just add water kind)
1/4 cup maple syrup
1 cup milk

Mix it all together and put it in a sprayed 9x13. Bake at 350 for 30 minutes. Let cool for 5 minutes before you cut it so the eggs can set up.

You could also use Bisquik instead of the pancake mix. Just use milk instead of maple syrup.

Also, it would probably be good with chopped, cooked bacon or chopped ham instead of sausage.

This just looks like Thursday Thirteen

I just didn't get to TT this week. I didn't have time and let all of us addicts face it. You really write it up Wednesday night and circle the TT hub like a E-Bay shark to be one of the first to get a comment in. It is all about luring the readers in. Come here, my pretty. Smell the cookies.....

Any way, Since last week's TT was such a hit and so many people asked to be let known if I got any good answers, here they are.

1) Should my main blog stay at blogger or move to wordpress?
Everyone seemed to favor Wordpress. I have a confession. I have a blog with Wordpress.com already. I don't use it but I wanted to make sure and get the subdomain I wanted. I know that I will move eventually. Inevitably Blogger will piss me off enough.

2) Where are there good tutorials or info on CSS?
I haven't had time to check these yet, but this is what I got.
http://glish.com/css/
http://www.htmlhelp.com/reference/css/quick-tutorial.html http://werbach.com/web/wwwhelp.html http://www.westciv.com/style_master/academy/css_tutorial/
http://www.w3schools.com

Also, I found this one on my own this week.
http://www.cssplay.com

3)Where are there good tutorials for using Paint Shop Pro?
Ditto.

http://www.pinoy7.com

4)If I am making turkey, mashed potatoes, stuffing, and cranberry for Thanksgiving, what should my fourth or even fifth side dish(es) be?
How could I forget the Green Bean Cassaerole!! Here are some other suggestions...
Salad
Vege Casserole
Peas
Ambrosia
Rolls or Biscuits
Corn Pudding
Butternut Squash
Blanched Asparagus
Yams
Anything Crunchy

5)What is a good moisturizing non-greasy lotion?
Again, varied widely.

Nivea
2 voted for Dove
Cetaphil
Jergen's Original
Cocoa Butter
Clinque
Oil of Olay
2 voted for Jergen's for Dry Skin
Loreal Happyderm
Mary Kay for Dry Skin
Ponds

6)Do I keep my highlights or go back to my natural dark brown?
1 said go for natural color
6 said go for highlights
1 said go for both
1 said to go green

7)This is a big one. Do I grow my hair out again or get a different short cut?
(It pretty much looks the same as it did in my profile pic.)
I thought I would grow it out.
My hubby loves how it looks now.
I haven't decided yet.

8)Do you know any In-A-Jar recipes I can use for Christmas, like Cookie-Mix-In-A-Jar or Soup-Mix-In-A-Jar?
http://del.icio.us/fiberbabble/GiftsinaJar
http://www.realfood4realpeople.com/cookies.html
http://allrecipes.com/Recipes/Desserts/Cookies/Cookie-Mix-in-a-Jar/ViewAll.aspx

9)What does one buy "the boss", in this case Gabriel's new bosses, for Christmas?
Most said a bottle of wine or another type of alcohol. That is kind of what I was thinking and what will probably be the safest choice. Other suggestions included picture frames and monogrammed items.

10)What DO I do with all that left over Halloween candy?
Most said to send it to them. Well, too bad 'cause we ate it!! Other good ideas were to give it to the mail carrier, UPS guy, or donate it to a food pantry.

11)Does my sidebar look too crowded now? I tried to thin it out.
Everyone is so nice and loves me.
Or at least that is what they are saying to my face.....

12)Is Bloglines.com ot Blogrolling.com better?
Hands down, no contest, everyone loves Bloglines.
Which is good because that is what I use.

13)Does this blog make me look fat?
Again, I seem to be loved...

IT is reciprocated!! :D

Way to tell you're a mom #127

You are picking chunks of Play Dough out of your socks.



Also Flickr is updated.

I'm bringin' sexy back

I am so sick of feeling disgusting and slobish. Yes, I did just make that word up. I have been contemplating this for awhile. I need a better self image, more confidence, and to whip my life into shape. I am tired of scrapping to find time to shower every 3 days. (OK, I know. EWWWW. But you try to find time to shower when you have 2 under 2, you are alone with said kiddies from 5 am to 6:15 pm, and when they are napping the water running in the next room will almost always wake them up.)

I came to the conclusion that I put my kids, my hubby, cooking, cleaning, almost everything above things that are for me. The showers and exercising included.

NO MORE. I am sick of feeling inadequate as a woman.

It is priority now to primp myself every morning. To put my contacts in, instead of just throwing on my glasses because it is easier. To dress in clothes I feel good about and in, not something that I hope the UPS guy doesn't catch me in. To exercise and make an offensive effort to loosing weight and getting my body toned again. To actually put make up on everyday. Not just on Christmas, weddings, and funerals. I have never had a daily make-up routine, so this is a big one in making me feel sexier.

I have also considered doing HNT, but I am not sure if I am completely comfortable with that idea.

I want to be confident and sexy NOW. Not in 20 lbs. Not when my hair grows out. Not when that shirt I have been eyeing up finally fits me in the size I want it to.

Also, I need to get rid of the granny panties I am still wearing from my pregnancy. You know that ones. I need something that makes me feel sexy and is still comfortable enough to wear every day.

I need bras that fit. Thank Oprah for that one!

I can have sexy in my jeans and kool-aid life. Mommies can be sexy too.

So how do you keep your sexy??

Note to self

Don't comment on blogs after having a nice glass of Mogan David. Don't even try to reread what you wrote. Because if it didn't make sense the first time, chances are it won't the second either. Just stick to something safe like surfing BE for points.

On the other hand...
Exactly what is the difference between a Baby Ruth and a Snickers??

My panties are in a bunch

I am so ....
I don't know what I am.

My mom called me this morning to let me know that she heard over the radio that my brother and 6 of his loser friends were arrested this morning. In connection with 64 burglaries, 4 arsons, and shooting a horse.

We are a small community. Farmland, really. These incidents have been headline news for many months now. BIG headline news.

And it was my brother. Allegedly.

Admittedly, my brother and his 'friends' are complete losers. They did manage to finish high school, but there biggest accomplishment since is managing to keep the part time job at Subway. I know he was under age drinking, smoking cigarettes, smoking pot and a bunch of other really stupid 'teen' stuff. I have never seen it, but I have been told. Apparently he would also binge on quarts of vodka at a time until he would black out, on a regular basis.

Really, if he is in trouble for anything it is because he deserves it.

I haven't talked to him in a while, so it isn't like we are close. Actually when my mom told me I laughed out loud. HARD. Kind of like, that figures.

So why is this affecting me?

Why can't I stop drinking coffee?

Why am I compulsively scrubbing the house down?

I have also thought that I am lucky he didn't rob me and burn MY house down. Him and some of his 'friends' have stopped by unannounced. And like I said we are a small community. People aren't careful to lock up or anything like that. What if they were casing my house out? I wouldn't put ANYTHING passed him. What if it was my house that burnt??

OMG. I feel like someone has died and you go through a hundred emotions in a couple hours. And none of them make sense.

I have the overwhelming urge to tell someone. To call someone and just tell them. But I am trying so hard not to. To be bigger and not gossip, because really all I know is that he has been arrested in connection with this stuff. I guess this is my best outlet to tell.

I need...
I don't know what I need.

Thursday Thirteen #13

Thirteen Things that I need help with this week because mama's having brain farts.

1)Should my main blog stay at blogger or move to wordpress?

2)Where are there good tutorials or info on CSS?

3)Where are there good tutorials for using Paint Shop Pro?

4)If I am making turkey, mashed potatoes, stuffing, and cranberry for Thanksgiving, what should my fourth or even fifth side dish(es) be?

5)What is a good moisturizing non-greasy lotion?

6)Do I keep my highlights or go back to my natural dark brown?

7)This is a big one. Do I grow my hair out again or get a different short cut? (It pretty much looks the same as it did in my profile pic.)

8)Do you know any In-A-Jar recipes I can use for Christmas, like Cookie-Mix-In-A-Jar or Soup-Mix-In-A-Jar?

9)What does one buy "the boss", in this case Gabriel's new bosses, for Christmas?

10)What DO I do with all that left over Halloween candy?

11)Does my sidebar look too crowded now? I tried to thin it out.

12)Is Bloglines.com ot Blogrolling.com better?

13)Does this blog make me look fat?

Is anyone else sick of commercials?

Hi, I have erectile dysfunction.

Hi, I have genital herpes. And I try to limit the number of people I infect.

Hi, I have irritable bowel syndrome. I go all the time.

Hi, I have chronic constipation. I want softer bowel movements.

You know that I am not making this stuff up. It makes up 50% of your commercials. Like I really wanted to know all about it while I am eating, thanks.

Or like this kind of advertisement should be bombarding us on TV. "Ask your doctor if it right for you." "Go to our website for a coupon to bring to your doctor for a free sample." Shouldn't it be, 1) you have an existing issue, 2) you visit your doctor, and 3) he/her offers you a treatment?? Does some one who has to pee every 20 minutes at all hours of the day and night need to be told to ask their doctor if they need a medication? In this day and age, does a man need to be told every 30 minutes to visit his doctor if he wants to have sex and also has ED??

More over do I need to be reminded??

Celebrity endorsements also drive me nuts.

Hi, I am Brooke Shields. And I am famous. But I am also a mom, just like you. The only difference is that I am a GOOD mom. You can be too if you use Colgate Total. If you don't go buy this toothpaste now it is because you don't love your kids as much as I love mine.

If you stand back and read between the lines in commercials aimed at moms and small kids, they are all trying to tell us that if we don't use their product we would be bad mommies. My favorite is a current commercial for Fisher Price. This one is NOT paraphrasing. And I quote:

When my daughter and I play together with (insert really cool sounding FP toy name here), I feel like she is really learning.

Ohhhhhhhhhhhh. I understand. She can't learn by me playing with her WITHOUT the toy. Boy, are my kids going to be behind....