How about a dream that you were committing willful adultery?
I did, and it is driving me nuts. I dreamed that I slept with Gabriel's good friend (who will be called Mr. X). This is the best that I can describe it.
I was at Mr. X's house. Gabriel knew I was there. I was there for a valid reason. I think he was supposed to be helping me with a legal issue. I kept feeling strongly sexually attracted to Mr. X, but stifled the feelings because I am married and don't want to cheat on Gabriel. After we solved whatever problem I was there to solve, Mr. X moves in really close to me and tells me how strongly he is attracted to me. At first I still avoid eye contact, trying to deny how I felt. Then Mr. X tells me how he can't hold back anymore and that he wants me. After hearing that I give in. I want what I want. With very little resistance. And that is pretty much all I remember.I committed very willful, very consensual adultery. I feel so ashamed. So embarrassed. You have no idea how painful it is just to write this.
What makes this even worse is that I have been attracted to Mr. X in real life. Not that I day dream about having sex with him. But in the sense that if I was single I would have dated him.
Gabriel and I had a talk about it last night. I had to tell him. Even if it was a dream I feel so guilty. Everything feels so serious and sullen now.
So now what? Do I try to just shrug it off because it was just a dream? Just be aware of myself around Mr. X? Or do I just avoid Mr. X all together?
Telling Gabriel was the right thing to do because we want a married based on honesty. But now I feel like things will always be different. Like my husband will be wondering what I am thinking, if we have Mr. X over for a party. Or we go over to Mr. X's house. We only see Mr. X once or twice a year anyway.
In addition to all that, Gabriel felt a little hurt that I was dreaming of another man when my real life libido has not returned since having Abby.
I don't think I could EVER do that to Gabriel in real life. I could never hurt him. But I honesty can't say that I will never be attracted to other men. And I told him that. Is that wrong? Is that healthy for a marriage? Is that strong enough of an answer?
Yes, it was just a dream.
But I feel dirty.
I feel ashamed.
I feel embarrassed.
I don't feel safe with my own thoughts.
I keep bouncing back and forth between almost crying and feeling silly for making so much out of this.
Please, tell me I am not the only one to have a dream like this....
Atom Feed (xml)
5 comments:
OMG, you are SO not alone!! I have guilty feelings over the same kinds of dreams more often than I'd like to say, but I really and truly think it's PERFECTLY normal. Can Gabriel honestly say he's NEVER fantasized about another woman? I find that hard to believe. It's okay Steph, really it is. Hard, I know, esp with it being a friend, but it's normal, and it doesn't mean you want to or are going to cheat. It's just your subconscious mind, and dreams aren't always what they seem anyway!! Hey, maybe it means that your libido will return soon...Sadly, I'm still waiting for mine to fully make a comeback. LOL :)
I can't say I dreamed of someone real (usually the far away fantasy girl) but you are so not alone! Women are different than men, where we are more into the emotional/mental part of sex than the physical. It is a sign that your libido is coming back, and just make Gabriel feel extra special to ease the feelings.
You are not alone Stephanie. Sometimes dreams are telling something opposite of what they literally seem to represent.
You are such a good woman for telling Gabriel. I don't know if I'd be so brave.
Nope, you're not alone, although I've never told my hubby about it.
After all it's only a dream & something you can't control. I wouldn't avoid Mr. X. I would just pretend like nothing happened & if Gabriel is hurt about it, just give him some time, he'll forget about it soon & get over it. 1 think I know of men, they don't have a long memory span, lol!
You're not alone. In dreaming or telling. I've done both. I liked the dreams when my hubby was the object of my dream state libido, though....
Post a Comment